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Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

Kerry Patterson

Top 10 Best Quotes

“People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool--even ideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs. Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea; they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.”

“It’s the most talented, not the least talented, who are continually trying to improve their dialogue skills. As is often the case, the rich get richer.”

“The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy”

“Don't aim for perfection. Aim for progress. Learn to slow the process down when your adrenaline gets pumping.”

“Second, clarify what you really don't want. This is the key to framing the and question. Think of what you are afraid will happen to you if you back away from your current strategy of trying to win or stay safe. What bad thing will happen if you stop pushing so hard? Or if you don't try to escape? What horrible outcome makes game-playing an attractive and sensible option?”

“Nothing in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. —WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE”

“In perhaps the most revealing of all the health-related studies, a group of subjects who had contracted malignant melanoma received traditional treatment and then were divided into two groups. One group met weekly for only six weeks; the other did not. Facilitators taught the first group of recovering patients specific communication skills. (When it's your life that's at stake, could anything be more crucial?) After meeting only six times and then dispersing for five years, the subjects who learned how to express themselves effectively had a higher survival rate--only 9 percent succumbed as opposed to almost 30 percent in the untrained group.”

“Assignments without deadlines are far better at producing guilt than stimulating action.”

“You can’t simply highlight an inspiring paragraph in a book and walk away changed.”

“When you’re attacked in a negotiation, pause and avoid angry emotional reactions. Instead, ask your counterpart a calibrated question.”

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Book Keywords:

assignments, negotiation, actions, pause, attack, calibrate, deadlines, question

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