Lovely Vicious
Sara Wolf
Top 10 Best Quotes
“I would love to slap you right now, but I’m currently wielding a nine pound ball and I’m afraid that would be called murder.”
“Come! Come sit by me. It’s a nice bench. Nice and lovely on the butt.” “You’re drunk.” “Yeah, and you’re ugly, but do I complain about it? No! Because I don’t complain about things that I can’t change. That’s called intelligence.”
“How did you find me? If you hacked into the Club’s computer to look up my appointments - " “Whoa, I think you overestimate me, shitlord. Last time I checked all I did was be in the wrong place at the right time. I saw you and had to - ” “Stalk me.” “ - delicately approach you. In a sideways manner. From behind. Without being seen at all. For ten minutes.”
“I cannot, for the life of me, remember what we were just conversing about! Alas. I will forever remember this time we spent together affectionately and oh god I remember now you pervert!” “You were the one who shouted ‘sex’!” He hisses. “You were the one who was born, so really I think that’s the root of the problem.”
“Did you have fun? How many boys did you make out with?” She asks. “Seventy. At least.” “How many shots did you take?” “Fourteen. I let go of the wheel halfway home and Jesus drove me the rest of the way.”
“The waitress scuttles away, and I make a shooing motion at the old couple who’re still glaring. “Don’t you have something to better to work on?” I hiss. “Like golfing or eating prunes or dying?” The old lady looks shocked. “Okay, sorry, not dying. But seriously, prunes are good for you.”
“Sometimes, we can’t do the things we want to do for ourselves. Sometimes we wait for someone else to do them. You can’t always wait like that. You have to seek out change on your own.”
“And then he came, and pulled her petals off one by one, forcing her to surround herself with thorns to survive. But he missed one petal. And she guards it with a tiger's ferocity.”
“Let's go. We have to confront her." I scoff. "Confront her? That's a little mild, don't you think? I'm going to rip her tits off.”
“Hello, spawn!” I coo at Kayla’s baby brother as he waddles into her room. He burps at me. “It looks like you guys speak the same language,” Kayla quips. “Where was that sass when Jack was making you cry at Avery’s party?” “Uh, hello? He’s my crush? I’m not going to sass him.” “Flash ‘em the sass before you flash ‘em the ass.” “What kind of saying is that?” She laughs. “Grandma-saying. She’s the head of the motorcycle gang at her nursing home.”
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Book Keywords:
humor, old-lady, humour, lol, prunes
