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The Ask

Sam Lipsyte

Top 10 Best Quotes

“We are going to eat ice cream and we are going to eat shit. The trick is to use different spoons.”

“Judging by your face, the what-the-fuck nodes in your cerebral cortex must be a real light show.”

“I'd become one of those mistakes you sometimes find in an office, a not unpleasant but mostly unproductive presence bobbing along on the energy tides of others, a walking reminder of somebody's error in judgement.”

“I was also one of those people who hadn’t caught up with the latest social networking site. Maura belonged to most of them. She passed most evenings befriending men who had tried to date-rape her in high school, but I was still stuck in the last virtual community, a sad place to be, like Europe, say, during the Black Death. Whenever I cruised this site, with its favorites lists and its paeans to somebody’s cousin’s gas station art gallery, I could not help but think of medieval corpses in the spring-thaw mud, buboes sprouted in every armpit and anus, black bile curling out of frozen mouths. Those of us still cursed with life wandered the blasted dales of this stricken network, wept and moaned and flogged ourselves with frayed AC adaptors, called out for God to strike us dead, or else let us find somebody who liked similar bands.”

“I was glad I'd remembered to shucksify my vocabulary in the company of children.”

“You’re growing up. All you need to remember is that nothing changes. New technology, new markets, global interconnectivity, doesn’t matter. It’s still the rulers and the ruled. The fleecers and the fleeced.” “Which are you?” “I’m a piece of expensive equipment. You, too. Maybe not so expensive. [...]”

“You pay a whore to make you feel like a man, you fund a philharmonic to make yourself feel like a refined man.”

“Who exactly are we?' I asked. The American Dreamers. There aren't too many of us left.' I don't know if I qualify.' You an American? Or want to be an American?' I am an American.' You said you were having a dream.' It's true, I did.' Was it the one where you're inside the girl and you are pumping her and pumping her and you are so happy but then it turns out it's not a girl, it's really one of those super poisonous box jellyfish, and it stings you and you are screaming and screaming and the sky rains the diarrhea of babies?' The...no, I don't think so.' I get that sometimes. Anyway, see you around.”

“This country was built on the backs of dudes who drank on buses. What we do honors them.”

“They weren’t like dolls, because dolls had no feelings. Kids had feelings, just not any remotely related to yours.”

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