The Coloring Book: A Comedian Solves Race Relations in America
Colin Quinn
Top 10 Best Quotes
“I think the world honestly would be a much healthier place if instead of trying to find rationalizations for our bad behavior we would just say, "I was an asshole. Sure, there were reasons behind it, but that doesn't matter.”
“The races are like America's children. White people are the firstborn, so they were Dad's favorite. Black people are the second kids, the abused ones, so they still hate Dad. Latinos are the third, caught in the middle and always trying to make peace between the other siblings. Asians are the youngest, and get good marks in school, but basically are just trying to keep their heads down and not get involved. And Native Americans are the old uncle who owns a house and everyone else in the family was like, "He's not using that! Let's move in!”
“Thank God for immigrants. They're the only ones who have any personality left. They still allow themselves emotions, judgments, and all those qualities that we are "evolving" past. I don't know what they're saying, but I can tell they're speaking honestly.”
“The Vikings thought they were big shots because they had boats. You know how obnoxious people get when they own a boat. They always want to go on the boat. "We're taking the boat out this weekend. It's supposed to be beautiful. Why don't you come? You never come. You're always working. You know how many people wish they would get invited to come on the boat? And you turn it down.”
“To be American is to long for whatever our parents fled.”
“A few years back, they jacked David Copperfield in West Palm Beach, for Chrissake. Yes, it's funny: "Yo, empty your pockets," and he pulls out a bunny rabbit. But it's also depressing. If someone who can make himself disappear isn't safe, who is?”
“You have to value what you do if you want everyone else to. I learned that once when I did a show in New Jersey with no cover charge. I had this delusion that the crowd was going to be great, because they'd be getting something for free. No, they were the worst. As a rule, the more an audience has to pay, the better crowd they are. People don't appreciate something that comes for free, so you have to feel confident enough to demand what you're worth.”
“The tech boom was the best thing to happen to Indians. Why are they so good at this tech support stuff? Not just because they’re computer savvy. They’re also polite. That was what collapsed the British empire. They were too polite. Every other colony used violence to attain freedom. The Indians’ form of revolution was awkward silence until the British showed themselves out.”
“Remember this: It’s never my fault. Either I’m funny and you love me, or I’m funny and you’re socialized against me.”
“If an Asian starts to gossip, everyone looks at him like, “Don’t you have homework?”
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Book Keywords:
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