Funny Feelings
Tarah Dewitt
Top 10 Best Quotes
“Sushi arrives, and it’s not until halfway through the meal that I notice him using his fork to eat instead of the chopsticks. It’s also when I notice that he uses that fork with his opposite hand, so he can keep hold of mine with the other. It’s the best lunch of my life.”
“Well, how interesting. Men are afraid of women being funnier than them, and women are afraid of, oh, I don’t know, being oppressed, beaten, raped, or killed by men. But look out! Funny chick here might follow you down an alley and make you chuckle without consent!”
“My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.” - Bill Burr”
“I plan to savor this. You. And maybe I like the idea of making you wait for the rest.”
“I did. I think it goes without saying that while we’re doing this publicly, we uhhh, shouldn’t be dating other people.” “Aw. I’ll break the news to my harem.”
“This book is dedicated to all the women who’ve ever been told that they’re Too Much.”
“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” - Rodney Dangerfield”
“He sighs a little and looks over at me. “Humor me, Jones, and try not to start every sentence with some variation of ‘if this were real’. Because, fake girlfriend or not, I know you want something from each of them, and I’m all for sampling anything that sounds good right alongside you tonight.”
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” - George Carlin”
“She chews a supremely large bite of her burger with a moan, eyes closed, balloon hat askew, cheese and sauce on her chin. That’s mine, I think. She’s mine.”
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