It's A Wonderful Midlife Crisis
Robyn Peterman
Top 10 Best Quotes
“There were so many wonderful people living in my house, and I hadn’t even known. To me, they’d become the nuisances who were leaving their body parts lying around and needed their heads glued back on. But they were more than that. The dead were all people with stories and histories. It surprised me how long many of them had been dead. I suppose it shouldn’t have. They’d been hanging around for a month before I even admitted they weren’t a figment of my imagination.”
“Stan, I’m going to suggest you leave before I tell you that you have a tiny penis and I wasn’t exactly sure we were having sex at all. You wear too much aftershave and if you’re going to manscape, you might want to have a go at your back. So, unless you want to hear all that, you’d better sprint your preppy, pencil-pushing ass off my porch.”
“Midlife was more than a series of crises. It was a freaking destination, and the ride was seriously bumpy.”
“I truly couldn’t believe I was having this conversation with my husband. Of course, Steve was dead… and gay… but still… “I will not be sleeping with Gideon anytime soon.” “Should I order some porn?” Steve asked, completely serious. “You know, so you can get up to speed on techniques?” “No, you should not order any porn,” I snapped. “I’m going to go eat dinner with him—not blow him.”
“Do you want another ice pack for your… umm…” “My balls?” he inquired with a pained grin. “Yes,” I said, feeling heat crawl up my neck and head for my cheeks. “No. I’m too terrified to find out what other damage you can inflict,” Gideon said dryly. “Let’s just leave it at my nose and nuts right now.”
“But you are the Grim Reaper?” “I am.” “Okay. Fine,” I snapped, tossing the ice bag at him and nailing him right in the crotch. “OH MY GOD. I am so sorry,” I gasped out as he jackknifed forward and hissed. “I did not mean to do that.” “Of course you didn’t,” Gideon said with a wince. “No one in their right mind would rack a man who carries a scythe and wears a cheesy hooded black cape.”
“your skirt is so short I can see your religion”
“out. I put two and two together and came up with 666. I’m very good at math,”
“You could have buttered my butt and called me a biscuit,”
“Now I just needed to deal with the visible to only me weirdos hanging out in my house. However, I had to give it to them. They were very supportive when Stan was talking smack.”
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