“I’d honestly rather have a bunch of cats than a million dollars; at least cats don’t make you feel lonely. Just the thought of money makes me depressed; it controls the world. You can get away with anything if you have enough dough. That’s one thing I like about the Bible; it talks about how destructive greed is. People treat mammon as their God, you know? If I ever won the lottery, I’d give up all my money and go to live in the wild like that Chris McCandless guy, except I’d be smart about it and survive. I’d also buy a sasquatch suit just to mess with cryptologists; some moron would record me and claim that I was “proof” of bigfoot or some nonsense. People disappoint me so much sometimes…”