All My Friends are Superheroes
Andrew Kaufman
Top 10 Best Quotes
“There are two ways to get rid of an anxiety monster,my friend-you either have a bath or a nap.”
“Businessman sat in his car calculating the net worth of everyone who passed and he noticed something peculiar. While some people were worth millions and other people were deep in debt, they all looked stressed and worried. He concluded that there is only one amount of money – just not enough.”
“The Sloth would sit on his couch, paralyzed by all the things he wasn't taking care of. Then one day, a Wednesday, he just said, 'Fuck it!' He threw his hands up into the air and said, 'Fuck it!' This was the day that the sloth discovered his superpower, an amazing ability to say 'Fuck it' and really, truly mean it.”
“I don't remember a single monster before I met you.' he'd told Amphibian. 'Now they seem to be all over the place.' 'You mean there wasn't anything you were afraid of?' the Amphibian had asked him. 'lots.' 'What did they look like?' It was a funny question. 'They didn't look like anything. They were ideas,' Tom told him. 'Like not being able to pay rent, or being lonely.' 'That's the most terrifying thing I've ever heard.' the Amphibian replied.”
“We’re here,’ the Clock says. The Perfectionist opens her eyes. She sees nothing. It’s white. All white. There’s no up. There’s no down. No horizon. Nothing. It’s just white. ‘Clock, what is this?’ asks the Perfectionist. Her voice is shaky. ‘This is the future.’ ‘This is the future?’ the Perfectionist asks. Her mouth is dry. She forces herself to swallow. ‘Why is the future like this?’ ‘Because it hasn’t happened yet,’ says the Clock”
“Okay, there's this thing you can do, a thing you can do like no other person on this planet. That makes you special, but being special ready doesn't mean anything. You still have to get dressed in the morning. Your shoelaces still break. Your lover will still leave you if you don't treat her right.”
“He knocks on doors and stands there. You’d be surprised how few doors get answered”
“The most powerful superhero of all, the one everyone wishes they were, is Mistress Cleanasyougo. At the end of every day she folds her clothes. She never leaves scissors on the table, pens with no ink are thrown in the trash, wet towels are always hung up, dishes are washed directly after dinner and nothing is left unsaid.”
“THE PROJECTIONIST The projectionist can make you believe whatever she believes. If she believes interest rates are going to fall, and you have a short conversation with the Projectionist, you will too. If she believes that, no, in fact, you didn't signal when you turned left, causing the Projectionist to ram her car into the back of yours, so will you. Her downfall began when she fell in love with the Inverse. She absolutely, 100% fell in love with the Inverse. She projected all this emotion onto him but the Inverse, being the Inverse, simply reflected the opposite of everything she was sending. Strangely, neither the Inverse nor the Projectionist can let go of the relationship.”
“The Sloth hated himself. He considered himself lazy. He had a dead-end job and no plans to get a better one. His relationship was on-again-off-again, and he never got to the gym even though he kept paying the membership dues. There was mould in his refrigerator and he watched reruns on TV. Sometimes he wore the same pair of socks twice in the same week. The Sloth would sit on his couch, paralyzed by all the things he wasn’t taking care of. Then one day, a Wednesday, he just said, ‘Fuck it!’ He threw his hands up into the air and said, ‘Fuck it!’ This was the day that the Sloth discovered his superpower, an amazing ability to say ‘Fuck it’ and really, truly mean it.”
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Book Keywords:
monsters, special, time-travel, sloths-motto, future, people, money, superheroes, unique, same, regular, similar, fear, humor, opportunity
