“When I consider the men (like my father) I have treated in psychotherapy, I recognize the challenge I face as a counselor. These men are in counseling due to an insistent wife, troubled child or their own addiction. They suffer a lack of connection with the people they say they love most. Chronically accused of being over controlling or emotionally absent, they feel at sea when their wives and children claim to be lonely in their presence. How can these people feel “un-loved” when (from his perspective) he has dedicated his life to their welfare? Some of these men will express their lack of vitality and emotional engagement though endless service. They are hyperaware of the moods, needs and prefer-ences of loved ones, yet their self-neglect can be profound. This text examines how a lack of secure early attachment with caregivers can result in the tendency to self-abandon while managing connections with significant others. Their anxiety and distrust of the connection of others will manifest in anxious monitoring, over-giving, passive aggressive approaches to anger and chronic worry. For them, failure to anticipate and meet the needs of others equals abandonment.”

“The world is fickle about witches.' 'The wold is fickle about women.” "Where in all this do you fit?" "I'm not trying to fit," I say.”

“Anger is a gift. Remember that." She stood. "You gotta grasp onto it, hold it tight and use it as ammunition. You use that anger to get things done instead of just stewing in it.”

“Did Max survive because he was brave? Perhaps. Lucky? Absolutely! Stupid? Undoubtedly so. But the number one reason Max sat in front of young Zachary Blake on the eve of the boy’s Bar Mitzvah was Max’s stubborn refusal to give up or give in.”

“The story is told of Mother Theresa that when an interviewer asked her. "What do you say when you pray?" she answered, "I listen." The reporters paused a moment, then asked, "Then what does God say?" and she replied, "He listens." It is hard to imagine a more succinct way to get at the intimacy of contemplative prayer.”

“And at some point, you discover if you’re going to be afraid anyway, you may as well do the things that scare you.”

“Only the guilty survive nowadays and present themselves as innocents in the media. And they make you consider the innocents as guilty. Fascistic! The only way to fix this is to consider the guilty as innocents and the innocents as guilty.”

“Plants need roots because they can't move on their own. Their roots serve them well, stopping them from getting blown all over the place by the wind. But we humans can move around at will, and our roots hold us in place unnecessarily. Usually in a place we don't want to be. Then, when we try to move, we rip our roots, and it hurts, so we end up staying right where we are.”