The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
William Ury
Top 10 Best Quotes
“The other often much prefers a clear answer, even if it is No, than continued indecision and waffling.”
“Your Plan B may seem like an imposed consequence since it is you who are the key actor. But remember what your Plan B is—your best alternative should the other refuse to respect your interests. It is not a punishment for the other, but simply the logical path for you to follow in pursuit of your legitimate needs. It is an alternative path to success. Let your Plan B speak for itself. Through your quiet tone and confidence, let the other know you are serious about carrying out your Plan B with its attendant logical consequences.”
“The assistant stayed away from the job—withdrew her cooperation—until the boss came to his senses and accepted her No to bullying (which was actually a Yes to respect).”
“As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
“Take Away Their Stick If the other’s reaction to our No is to hurt or threaten us, our first instinct may be to hurt them back. A more effective strategy, however, is to neutralize the impact of their behavior. If, as in the story of the Zen master, they are threatening to hit you with a stick, don’t hit them back; just take away the stick. In other words, don’t attack the other, but simply remove their ability to attack you.”
“Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.”
“Most attackers are looking for easy victims. They’re not looking for a fight, not even a verbal one. Saying No makes you a less attractive target. Submitting and being nice to attackers in the hope that they will be nice to you in return is not the safest strategy.” Saying “No!” helps you gather your energy, reminds you of your right to say No, draws attention, and expresses your power.”
“Your repetition can be intentional. You can use the same anchor phrase freshly each time, renewed by focusing on your underlying intention— the deeper Yes that lies within you. You can also humanize the repetition with a smile or acknowledgment.”
“You need confidence to stand up for yourself in the face of the other’s reaction. You need power to be able to follow through on your No if the other refuses to respect it.”
“You can empathize without sympathizing.”
Except where otherwise noted, all rights reserved to the author(s) of this book (mentioned above). The content of this page serves solely as promotional material for the aforementioned book. If you enjoyed these quotes, you can support the author(s) by acquiring the full book from Amazon.
Book Keywords:
threat, cooperation, anchor, indecision, confidence, target, victim, stay-away, clear, energy, follow-through, waffling, plan-b, submit, fight, power, acknowledge, stand-up, smile, answer, strategy, sympathize, neutralize, right, hurt, interest, bully, nice, say-no, refuse, attack, react, stick, repetition, consequence, serious, alternative, withdraw, empathize, respect, focus, need
