151 Quick Ideas to Improve Your People Skills
Robert Dittmer
Top 10 Best Quotes
“Overcome Shyness Here are some tips for overcoming shyness: • Work on your listening and communications skills. • Learn more about reading nonverbal communication, such as body language and facial expressions. • Let others take the lead in conversations, then jump in after the discussion has begun. • Observe others in environments that elicit shyness in you. • Learn to smile. It’s an ice-breaker. • Learn to ask questions. That starts conversations.”
“Practice Good Listening The most important element of good listening is simple: You have to want to understand the other person’s point of view. Listening is not about agreeing, or defending. It’s not about how often you nod your head in the conversation, how many times you recap what the person said, or how many affirmations you give to the other person. Those are techniques to help you become a better listener, but they are not listening in themselves. The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information about the other person, to understand where he’s coming from, how she views a situation, or what he values. If you sit quietly and let others do the talking, you can have an excellent opportunity to learn, to gather information. And that can be very powerful—in several ways.”
“Overcome Feeling Inferior First, recognize that this feeling is almost always unfounded. Yes, you may well have had some bad experiences in which your ideas and actions did not achieve the desired result—we all experience that. But it’s very likely you’re just forgetting your successes, too focused on one situation or set of circumstances. Low selfesteem can leave us with a distorted view of reality, and that can be difficult to see around. If you do need to make improvements, then make them. Failures are almost always caused by a series of factors. Find out what yours are. Do you need more training? Do you need a mentor? Do you need more experience? If so, take care of it. Finally, remember that you do have strengths. Identify them and build on them. Use them as often as you can, and you will be rewarded with successes. And those successes will, in time, help combat the feeling of inferiority. Recognize that no one is truly inferior to others. Inferiority is a barrier to creating positive relationships. Overcome that inferiority.”
“Within just a few weeks of starting back at college, Michael’s demeanor began to change. He smiled and joked more, he walked straighter, and he looked people in the eye with confidence. Working toward his goal gave him a focus, a path to follow, and hope.”
“Winner Never Takes All If your approach to conflict has been to win at all costs, then that cost could be very high for you in the long run. We’ve all met them—the people who have to win the debate, trump the argument, and put down all opposition for the sheer enjoyment of being right. And just as we learn when we drive in traffic, you may have the right-of-way to make that left turn, but the guy speeding toward you may not care—and you end up with the honor of being dead right. Wow! How useful! Winning at all costs is a short-term and shortsighted strategy. Sure, you might win in the heat of battle, but you could leave a lot of carnage on the battlefield, and wounds that will never heal with some people.”
“Watch Your Body Language—It Speaks Volumes Not only do your words and voice speak volumes in a disagreement, but so do your body language and tone. That’s right! The vast majority of what you say never comes out of your mouth, but it’s on display for all to see. For example, if you start to doodle on your notepad while someone is talking, you send the clear message that you don’t value what that person says. Or, if you talk on top of someone, cutting her off midsentence, you send the message that you believe she is inferior to you. Be careful of the message you’re sending with your body language. Your words could be saying one thing, but your gestures speaking much louder.”
“Start From a Point of Commonality What do we have in common? That’s the first question you want to ask yourself when tension raises its ugly head in a working relationship. Why? Because starting from a point of agreement, or commonality, helps you and the other person get focused on where you’re alike, instead of focusing your thoughts on where you’re different. So, think about what you and your nemesis have in common. Are you both passionate about your company? Do you each have a strong work ethic? Are you both bright? Are these traits about yourself that you respect? Then couldn’t you also respect them about the other person, and use them as a launching pad for a better relationship?”
“See Rough Starts as an Opportunity Yeah, we’ve all done it—stepped in it right out of the gate, put our foot in our mouth, said something insensitive or just flat-out wrong. When this happens with others we’ve known for a while, and with whom we’ve built a rapport in time, we get a margin of forgiveness. But when it happens with people we’re meeting for the first time, it often results in a rough start. Some people let their pride or embarrassment rule them in these situation. These folks practice avoidance behavior; they avoid the person thereafter. This is the wrong approach. When things start out rocky, go ask for a mulligan—a do-over. This doesn’t mean you have to grovel or supplicate yourself. Your approach could be as simple as, “Sorry about what I said earlier. I clearly wasn’t in my right mind.” Most people will laugh; if not outwardly, they will on the inside. Why? Because we’ve all been there; we’ve all done that. Circling back to smooth over a rough start shows you have integrity and courage.”
“Present, Don’t Persuade One of the most common mistakes we make in a disagreement is to convince ourselves that we must persuade the other person to see our point of view. But all we really need to do is lay out the facts or circumstances. Though people are first and foremost emotional creatures, their emotions are guided by rationality and reason—for the most part. When you lay out the facts of a situation—in a calm and collected manner—you appeal to people’s sense of reason. And you demonstrate that you respect their ability to assess the situation with good judgment. Persuading people, on the other hand, can come off as manipulative. It can send the message that they’re not sensible enough to assess the facts, or that they’re not capable of making a good decision and have to be given passionate direction. To avoid sending this message, change your tactic. Simply lay out the circumstances or facts of why you have come to your position on a matter, and then give people space—and time—to consider them. You will be pleasantly surprised by the results. You may not get agreement on every point, but it’s more than likely the person will at least meet you halfway. Many times that is all you can ask.”
“Pick Your Battles You’ll be pretty worn out, and friendless, if you try to fight every battle that comes your way on the relationship front. In fact, people who try to fight every battle are often seen as reactive and extremist, and are rarely taken seriously. But the wise among us know that people make mistakes, they have general human failings, and the wise know that we have to let bygones be bygones many times in our relationships with people. If you take a live-and-let-live approach to dealing with people, you will find that they will give the same to you. Let the petty go, let it roll off your back, and save your energy for the bigger things that can bring real meaning to your life. Not only will this help you stay balanced, but it will also make people more apt to forgive and forget quickly when you mess up yourself—and you will, from time to time.”
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Book Keywords:
inferiority, relationships, shyness, hope, communication, listening-skills, body-language
