The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them
Michelle Elman
Top 10 Best Quotes
“When you stop striving to be seen as a good wife, friend, employee, mother or daughter, it gives you permission to realize that you are a good person not because of what you can give or provide, but because of who you are. Part of boundary setting is realizing your worth is intrinsic. We need to let go of the societal messages we have”
“What Is a Boundary? At their very core, boundaries are the way we teach others to treat us. They are how we communicate what is acceptable and what is not. They define where you end and another person begins. We need boundaries in order to protect ourselves from manipulation, gaslighting, disrespect and abuse.”
“We have romanticized needing another human, when I believe the most romantic thing is not needing someone but wanting them around anyway.”
“We can demonize the people who take, or we can own our stuff and recognize that the problem is not that they take, but that we are unable to say no.”
“To ask, "Is my anger legitimate?" is similar to asking, "do I have the right to be thirsty?”
“This is why it’s imperative to have cemented in your mind that being single is better than being in a bad relationship. We all date shitty people. It says nothing about you if you attract someone who treats you badly, but the difference between a person with boundaries and one without is that the former gets rid of the shitty person faster. A person with boundaries knows that if the person in front of you cannot meet your needs and requirements, then another person exists who will. We need to lose this scarcity mindset that there is only one person who can fulfil our requirements.”
“The right person respects your boundaries and will never make you feel like they are too much.”
“The key is not to change your needs but instead to find someone who is capable of fulfilling them. Lower”
“For women in particular, the first step is to believe that you deserve the right to set boundaries in the first place. Women are taught to be martyrs: to empty ourselves out in the service of others, forgetting about our own dreams, ambitions and desires and instead using our time and energy to fuel the people around us.”
“1) Where do you feel appreciated in our relationship? 2) Where would you like to feel more appreciated? 3) Are there any boundaries we need to clarify? 4) What have you found challenging in our relationship in the last week/month/year? 5) Are you happy with the amount of time we spend with each other? 6) How do you feel about our sex life? 7) Do you have any concerns about our finances and how we divide costs? 8) What do I do that makes you feel loved? 9) How can I make you feel more loved over the next week/month/year? 10) Is there anything I have done or said that was hurtful since our last check-in? 11) Are there any new boundaries that we need to set? 12) Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? 13) What is something you are really enjoying about our relationship?”
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Book Keywords:
emotions, relationship, boundaries, anger
