Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
Henry Cloud
Top 10 Best Quotes
“This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.”
“You aren't alive if you aren't in need.”
“People with a style of denial and blaming are definitely on the list of unsafe people to avoid.”
“We often hear of someone saying, ‘So you don’t trust me’ or ‘Are you questioning my integrity?’ or ‘You don’t believe me.’ They get defensive and angry because someone questions their actions, and they think they are above being questioned or having to prove their trustworthiness. But none of us is above questioning.”
“Every relationship has problems, because every person has problems, and the place that our problems appear most glaringly is in our close relationships. The key is whether or not we can hear from others where we are wrong, and accept their feedback without getting defensive. Time and again, the Bible says that someone who listens to feedback from others is wise, but someone who does not is a fool.”
“We grow in part by confessing our faults and weaknesses to each other (James 5:16; Eccl. 4:10). If we are always being strong and without needs, we are not growing, and we are setting ourselves up for a very dangerous fall.”
“God uses people not only to nurture us, but also to open our eyes to sins, selfishness, and denial in us. Love also means saying, “I hold this against you,” as Jesus did when he confronted the churches (Rev. 2:4, 14, 20). Being confronted on character issues isn’t pleasant. It hurts our self-image. It humbles us. But it doesn’t harm us. Loving confrontations protect us from our blindness and self-destructiveness.”
“In safe relationships, empathy is a large part of the equation. We literally “enter the other person’s head” and attempt to understand how he feels, what he believes, and how he thinks. Empathy is walking in the moccasins of another person, and not judging him until we can see what suffering he’s been through to get to the point he’s at. Empathy is not easy. It involves letting go of your opinion and what you’re needing in the relationship so that you can enter the world of the other person, if only for a brief time. We can’t stay in the empathic position permanently, because we could lose ourselves. But empathy is what makes a relationship real—and safe.”
“Unsafe people will never identify with others as fellow sinners and strugglers, because they see themselves as somehow “above all of that.”
“Repentant people will recognize a wrong and really want to change because they do not want to be that kind of person. They are motivated by love to not hurt anyone like that again. These are trustworthy people because they are on the road to holiness and change, and their behavior matters to them. People”
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Book Keywords:
disagreements, strength, above-suspicion, fall, confrontation, being-alive, questioning, liar, need, being-strong, confrontational, above-questioning, needs, sense-of-entitlement, emotional-needs, lack-of-integrity, unsafe-people, defensiveness, growth, above-the-law, unhealthy-relationships, love, blame, blaming-others, relationships, denial, healthy-relationships
