The Awakened Family: A Revolution in Parenting
Shefali Tsabary
Top 10 Best Quotes
“We cannot control our children. We can only create the conditions for them to rise. What this means is that we need to stop expending our energy on trying to control who they are and how they turn out in the future. The real challenge is to keep our eyes on the parameters that are truly under our control - ourselves, and the way the home functions.”
“So many parents are puzzled when their children seclude themselves in their room and refuse to leave their sanctuary. They wonder, "Why don't my children want to talk to me when I'm so open and willing to discuss things?" The reason our children turn away from us is that they sense that our desire to talk is all about us - our need to manage our anxiety and exert control.”
“Disconnection doesn't occur when there's dissent, but when there's intolerance of each other's differences.”
“The problem is that in our great desire to see our children do well, we interact with them through the lens of fear that they might fail - a fear that our children absorb.”
“Without realizing it, we equate happiness with the outcome of events, not the process. We see the end result of the event as the measure of happiness.”
“When we are able to notice what we are feeling, whatever that may be, and simply allow it to wash over us, without being overwhelmed by it, we learn to tolerate the feeling state without getting caught up in an emotional reaction. Feelings are organic responses to life situations. Anxiety, as a feeling, is natural. However, when we don't know how to simply sit with our anxiety, soothing ourselves, it can take us over. When this happens, emotion floods us and blocks what we are really feeling. Emotions carry a charge of resistance.”
“We react with a feeling when we are unable to handle our emotions.”
“The focus is always on what makes our children grow to be their most resilient and empowered selves. Not what makes them happy or comfortable in any given moment. Inherent here is the awareness that life doesn't always provide pleasure or comfort, nor should we want it to. Without the jagged edges, we simply wouldn't grow.”
“Teaching children the art of negotiation is one of the most important lessons we can pass on to them. When children learn not to be threatened by conflict they are able to move in and out of disagreements and don't crumble in fear of them. They learn not to attach personal meaning to differences, but instead, to embrace the fact that each person has a different approach to life.”
“Our expectations come from a place of heavy judgment, where without our conscious awareness we create images of how things should play out. When we operate from this place of "should," we inadvertently give off energy communicating that we are right and anyone who opposes us is wrong. Before we know it, we occupy a place of rigidity, superiority, and close-mindedness that immediately pits the other against us. As we all know, once both parties are locked in this dance, it's hard for either to break free.”
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Book Keywords:
conflict, feelings-and-emotions, parenting, happiness