Dad Is Fat
Jim Gaffigan
Top 10 Best Quotes
“I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don't need sleep. I think they're called 'successful.”
“There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it. “I gotta go to the post office, but I’d probably have to put on pants. And they’re only open till five. Looks like I’m going to have to do that next week.”
“I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.”
“If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?”
“But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.”
“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.”
“I don't know what's more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you're doing.”
“Cousins are like celebrities for little kids.”
“Babies are the worst roommates. They’re unemployed. They don’t pay rent. They keep insane hours. Their hygiene is horrible. If you had a roommate that did any of the things babies do, you’d ask them to move out. “Do you remember what happened last night? Today you’re all smiles, but last night you were hitting the bottle really hard. Then you started screaming, and you threw up on me. Then you passed out and wet yourself. I went into the other room to get you some dry clothes, I came back, and you were all over my wife’s breasts! Right in front of me, her husband! Dude, you gotta move out.”
“People treat having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby? They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?”
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Book Keywords:
humor, parenting-humor, internet, sleep, parenting
